Four years ago and I’m working C Unit in the psychiatric hospital, where patients go for stabilization, usually after a trip through the psych ER. Hopefully the hospital can motivate the patients to actively engage in their healing process so they may return to society and function appropriately. Some do, some do not, but our focus: get them better.
This evening a young lady appeared at my med window, fake name of Mari, she was 20 years old, a movie-star beautiful Mexican-American girl. I had heard about her in pre-shift report, the scoop was that because of her we needed to keep an extra eye on the ladies’ wing of our ward. Think of the unit as shaped like a capital J, the girl’s wing is in the long vertical stem, the men’s rooms follow the curve. The nurses’ station is between the wings, separating the unit. Anyway, I saw the girl face to face, and no offense to anyone who may read this, Mari was in the top .001 of rare beauties on this planet. I realize that is subjective, but the unanimous opinion amongst the nursing staff: Miss Universe is on the Unit.
The patient’s laundry room was in the ladies’ section, unfortunately, so the guys might have reason to wander down that corridor. With the drop-dead gorgeous rare raving beauty on the ward, we had to be on our toes. Already most of the male patients had tried to chat her up, and one would have to be blind not to see why. Large dark eyes and naturally long lashes, high cheek bones, slender face, perfect smile, I cannot describe her appearance and do her justice, however I can testify to her schizophrenic behavior.
Later that night, around 8:30ish and after snacks, Mari walked out of the girls wing stark naked and marched up to my med window. Said window was open as I surveyed the unit from inside. Mari glared at me and stated she did not like Diet Coke, spun on heel and marched away; leaving me gawking at her perfect jiggling butt and thinking I did not like Diet Coke either. I should have shouted it at her I suppose. So Mari also had a perfect figure to go with her lovely face, and thankfully she was swiftly covered by a nurse grabbing a blanket from a nearby linen cart. A nurses’ aide helped to walk her back to her room and all was quiet for about 10 minutes.
Mari’s nurse said she would call the doctor and the nursing supervisor to get a staff girl for a 1-to-1 sitter assignment for Mari. The nurse asked me to step out of the med room and cover that wing of our ward, so I did. I stood guard in the corridor entranceway, allowing no males to enter. As the supervisor came on the unit, a guy named Jerry (who was Nurse of the Year btw despite the false name I’m giving him) Mari sneaked up behind me as I said hello to him. Jerry pointed behind me, I turned around and Mari gave me her million-watt smile and held her arms out for a hug. Still naked and beautiful, she was, and she grabbed me before I could react. Normally I am slightly fleeter of wit, but it is difficult to physically detain a naked girl and not look like a groper while doing it. Or maybe I was just stunned.
I gently took her shoulders as Jerry arrived, him not even breaking stride, and we spun her around and trotted her back down the hall to her room. I sat her on the bed and threw a gown around her and asked her to please, please, please do not stroll out onto the unit nude again. She was pissed because I broke our hug, I guess, and said “Okay now get the hell out of here” and slung her gown on the floor. I looked at Jerry in the doorway and he just shook his head. Fortunately, we were able to get a staff girl over to our unit to keep an eye on Mari, and I received an order to give her a little something to calm her down. She was compliant with taking the meds and everything was cool for the rest of the night.
My next encounter with Mari came the next night. I relieved a nurses’ assistant for lunch and inherited the client census duty. This meant I kept tabs on all the patients, every 15 minutes, so I walked all over the unit and documented everyone’s whereabouts as I saw them. My journey took me into the ladies’ wing of course. I walked north, Mari walked south with her sitter, a nice young lady named Patty. Mari was dressed for once, but she saw me and stepped towards me making goo-goo eyes, hands on her hips, doing a little hoochie dance while shaking her rump back and forth and smiling. I said “No, no, no …” and tried to curl up while standing against the wall. Mari flattened me against it and rubbed all of herself all over all of me.
I was afraid to touch her so I clutched my clipboard for dear life while wondering what the heck she saw in me, being 30 years older, not that I was knocking it to be honest. I knew the girl was sick. Hmm. Right. Why else would she fixate on me? Okay, got it. Anyway, Patty and Jerry pulled Mari off me and I managed to stay away from her for the rest of the shift. That was my final physical encounter with young Mari. She was able to resolve her psychosis in the respect she found the appropriate meds and moved on. I do not wish to say what caused her psychiatric break as that is not the focus of the story.
On the whole, I must say that pretty Mari was not a bad customer, especially when compared to the fact I’ve been slugged a heckuva lot more times than I’ve been hugged in this business.